Sunday marked 4 years since running headfirst into the pinkwashed brick wall called breast cancer. It was a solemn day. I had PMS and swirling emotions. But the sun was out and I had fresh pineapple and cheap champagne to take to the pontoon.
See, since that day 4 years ago, my life has been wildly rearranged, reduced in some ways, expanded in others, and partially rebuilt. The lens I now see through makes nearly everything unrecognizable from what it was before. Remembering back to 2016, there was a quote on Pinterest that resonated:
You won’t always feel like this.
I didn’t believe it. Obviously it was written by someone who hadn’t been handed this flaming pile. And I was right. For almost 4 years.
Finally, with help, I began to see my story as one that didn’t ended at the climax or obstacle, without resolution. It was no longer a boring storyline of “this shitty, unresolvable thing happened.” The end.
I wanted to push past the obstacle to find the transformation that comes at the end of the story and beyond. There are lessons learned and irreversible changes. There’s even wisdom I daresay.
I had to do this or my story would have ended at the shitty part. I would have packed up any joy, self respect, and fortitude and tossed it into a landfill. I would have medicated myself into numbness to match the disbelief that It, cancer, had happened at all. I would have remained in the terrible middle of the story forever.
That’s not who I am. Good grief, this story needs an ending.
But first, we have to start at the beginning again.
Photo by Monstera Production: https://www.pexels.com/photo/person-holding-hardcover-book-with-blank-cover-6373291/
Thank you for sharing this post on social media to help me reach the next girl.