Our own way

A year ago this month, I swiped ‘right’on a curly-haired, bearded photo on Tinder. We exchanged the standard witty banter about his notable hair and our mutual astrological sign. He showed up late when we met in a tattered t-shirt. And I liked him.

Fast forward…When I found out I had cancer he was sitting next to me in the doctor’s office. In fact, it was he who first felt the lump and encouraged me to get it tested. I told him I understood if cancer was beyond his dating drama threshold. We had only been together for a short time and it was great. But, he certainly didn’t sign on for this when he swiped ‘right.’ Neither of us did.

Fast forward…I sleep for about 4 straight days after each chemo treatment. My mom commented how unusual it is for someone to serve as a human pillow for so many days in a row. I’m not sure how much karma I had to cash in to get such a beautifully curly, bearded Libra pillow but I’m sure glad he stuck around.

13627033_10154197144596368_7028789516077903412_nWe are supposed to be making out in dive bars across Texas, not discussing euthanasia and hair loss. I’m an emotional landmine and he’s got plenty to worry about even without my epic problems. This is heavy stuff, far too serious for a relationship only now 1 year old. But, we’re doing it. Now in hindsight, I’m not sure I could do it without him.

He gets to hear my most profound thoughts and debilitating fears as I come up with them. He now knows how I handle the worst, the hardest, the most difficult. He sees the most intimate, complicated parts of my personality revealed at the same time they become apparent to me, things you cannot and would not EVER put on Tinder. And it is hard. And it is beautiful. And I’m a stronger, better person for it. I believe he is too.

I think he entered my life for a reason. He’s known in my Nebraska hometown as the boy-hero who so enthusiastically fondled my breasts that he discovered this murderous tumor and quite possibly saved my life, a fact he’s still reconciling every time he shakes my dad’s hand.

I hope the reason is so much more than that. #ThanksTinder

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